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paper gangster

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august twenty-third, two thousand and five. [Aug. 16th, 2005|09:50 pm]
paper gangster
champing at the bit.

who can wait?
not i.
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today, i feel.... [Aug. 9th, 2005|10:37 pm]
paper gangster
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(no subject) [Aug. 4th, 2005|11:39 am]
paper gangster
i have two jobs. i have two jobs. i have two jobs. hey hey hey hey hey.
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fabrication. [Aug. 3rd, 2005|09:41 pm]
paper gangster
college, here i come.
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a letter to the misunderstanding and the misfortunate... [Aug. 1st, 2005|12:15 pm]
paper gangster
i am sorry that you feel hurt about our lack of communication lately. i am also sorry to hear that you are willing to throw everything we have away because of this. i do realize that i am at fault for a lot of this; i am willing to take this into consideration. however, we have both allowed a pattern to develop over the past few years... numerous times, either one of us will say that we will contact one another by a certain deadline, and more often than not, that deadline is passed. both of us seemed to be fine with it. it was not until recently that i have realized that this has become offensive to you. but, keep this in mind my dear friend: you, too, continue to do the same thing. only when you are the one attempting to contact, are you offended, and i understand that. just keep in mind my perspective of all of this - and that is that since BOTH of us are continuing to not stick to our word as far as planned time for communication, i thought that everything was okay.

i also am aware that this is not the only reason for your discouragement about our friendship. like my mother said, i do tend to put my everything into one person, and only one person at a time. it happened with you, with nicki, anna, josh, jen, bri, and now sean. but, the person who has gotten the least of this all is sean as i am breaking away from that clinginess that i tend to carry somewhere deep inside of my subconscious personality.. as i grow, i become more aware of my shortcomings, and this is one of my largest. i can see a change, and i hope that some day the people around me who care will also be able to see it, so that they will stop feeling that i want to distance myself when i really don't; i just don't always have time.

one more thing... i struggle with grasping the concept of anything that is actually real that is not right in front of my face. be it something as far away as God or something within a little closer of a reach like our friendship; it is hard for me to completely feel or understand these things. i need to work on this, and after the past few days of my life, i think it may be a little easier for me to do.

enough of this rambling for now...
i hope to speak to you soon.

until then,

p.s. the comment you left was distasteless and offensive. i have just been extremely confused about many aspects of my life. i believe that i do carry quite a bit of sense.
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(no subject) [Jul. 29th, 2005|04:54 pm]
paper gangster
i make no sense.

or is it just that i'm lacking it?

... . ..
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a change of environment... [Jul. 28th, 2005|09:54 pm]
paper gangster
rosie's little italy tomorrow night.

wish me luck.
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i'm alive.... [Jul. 19th, 2005|09:28 pm]
paper gangster
this past weekend, starting on friday, i had several attacks of what i was at first told (by the idiots in the ER at dukes) were anxiety attacks.... i consulted several people who i know to carry ample amounts of medical knowledge, and they told me that my symptoms sounded more like seizures.... this resulted in my leaving of work early yesterday and my mother taking me to the ER at st. joseph's in kokomo.... there, the doctor who saw me requested my blood work results from dukes to be faxed over... after looking at my bloodwork, he saw that my potassium levels were extremely low (and the doctor at dukes told me my bloodwork came back with eveyrthing okay)... i was then diagnosed with hypokalemia (the extremely low level of potassium in the blood - the most common cause of sudden death in sufferers of eating disorders)..... thank God for st. joe's..

to be continued....

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i would like to make a dedication. [Jul. 15th, 2005|03:08 pm]
paper gangster

to the one who always comes by wanting someone to go swimming with...

edit: kudos to bri for showing me the link. ;)
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(no subject) [Jul. 13th, 2005|09:55 pm]
paper gangster
"My first thought when I heard - just on a personal basis, when I heard there had been this attack and I saw the futures this morning, which were really in the tank, I thought, 'Hmmm, time to buy.'"
- Fox News's Brit Hume, 7/7/05

It is republicans like this, who make statements while actually featured in the section of the news broadcast about money-related issues, who need not open his mouth until a much later time after the attack. This just gives the left-wings something else to bicker about.

I stand on the bench.
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